whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
