Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Buhtt sex?
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Randomize
