i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize