On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
