Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
