I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize