sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
