its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
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