i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
