I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Women Are Tweeting Photos Of Their Underwear To Support Rape Victim Whose Thong Was Cited During Trial
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
21 ‘Don’t Say It’ Tweets That Are Gonna Get Said Every Damn Time
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!