I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Woman Using Lunch Break To Find Another Job Gets Hilariously Snitched On By The Local News
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
28 ‘Thanks For Coming To My Ted Talk Tweets’ Funnier And More Informative Than An Actual Ted Talk
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I just sucked dick on a ferry