no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
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