I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
