kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I had to cum in my sink.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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