Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
50% drunk capacity currently
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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