well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Randomize
