Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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