Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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