id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
