Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
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