I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
