I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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