I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
