You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Randomize
