Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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