just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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