She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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