Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
