If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
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