he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
