its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no you cant smoke seaweed
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
where are my pants?
in the oven.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
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