I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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