I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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