he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
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