hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
