you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
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pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
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it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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