im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize
