I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Randomize