ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
