can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
