Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
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I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
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They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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