someone owes me an orgasm
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
