guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
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