this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
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