his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
