i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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