Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
