im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize