I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
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