Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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