Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
i drank out of a bidet.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
