new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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