i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Randomize
