make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Randomize
