I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
