remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
