as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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