Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
My vagina is officially offended.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
